``.*___Close your eyes...

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Just pass few days I got my pang of negativity !
Now I had so much energy !
I just can't help it !

Seriously , things only happen in 2 way. -ve or +ve = YOU CHOOSE!
Nothing in this world can change my cheerful and positive mood. Becoz .. I am positive. Born to be positive and be thick skin. ONly when you are confident and willing to do your best...extra extra and more of these extra effort = YOU GET RESPECT.
Excuses is really a bad excuses.
But...to be a prefectionist for a normal and simple gal like me = darn difficult!
Time taken to be prefectionist= depend on your genes.

Summarise ... I CAn't help to look forward to work everyday! So exciting and unpredictable.I can say rewarding. Everyday is a diiferent experience and every time I learnt something, to ponder abt ... improvement on my personal self.
Everyday , I become a better person. although I felt that I am such a greatest person on earth niao.

Be a better man.

Anonymous scribbled this at 10:52 AM...

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

spring short

Anonymous scribbled this at 7:40 AM...

caramel short

Anonymous scribbled this at 7:39 AM...

long soft curl

Anonymous scribbled this at 7:38 AM...

mush wolf

Anonymous scribbled this at 6:10 AM...

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Just past few days i felt the most horrible of my days. How this inconvenience and brainless job had changed me (or in the process of it) into a better person. It is so different from other jobs that I once held before. i just can't elaborate further how tis job is so stupid. So stupid that I can fathom how silly to tok abt it now and I am so unfocus in my work becoz I still can't accept that the duties is so stupid and I dun believe in wat I am doing ... I am not going to do it .. even doing my housework is not so stupid.
the thing u do and u thought is nothing the next blow up big big ... u goes like ..huh? (scatch head and gong gong niao) such a stupid thing also can fry up big news meh ? ppl are so concern abt me , thank u . but at least .. I am high profile now easily by been .......seem okay.
This job is like so different. two word to summarise : very inconvenience! Can't even sit properly to have my foods. I had become more positive person overnite. somemore...peanut's pay.
In the past , my job required only me . i know my work ,I do the decision and i make sure I do well . I know wat I am doing and plan the whole thing of wat I am going to do . ppl praises and I will keep low profile. it's a 9 to 5 under a comfortable aircon room and comfortable chair and all i nd to do is to get my paycheck. Individualistic i can say. i felt so stupid to change job now!For this brainless job, u are not the only one. Can't heckcare simply bor chup (my motto) yr job required ppl (a lot of them) into your life. Yes a lot of them. u got to ans to all of them . yr business is their business. dun tell them abt u , tell them wat can u do for them. their culture is OPEN COMMUNICATION. everthing u say will be in the light the next day .Keep dumb and seem okay and u think that everything is okay. The next day ? thanks huh , i got high profile oredi. Small trivial becomes FA yang guang DA lei. i just can't help to feel 'glam', 'honourable', 'pai say' about it . Mainly , i felt gong gong abt it becoz i think everything is okay and u wonder y some ppl are so miserable ...even small matters ..matters to them: are they boring ? One thing abt this industry is that once ppl dun like u ....everything is not okay. biased treatment u may say , negative u may say , sensitivity u may say. One thing : Positivity. be yourself and u think is right .. that's rite. u feel lousy? pretend to be confident, nothing happens . Nothing should let u feel bad after work is over.

their definition of atititude problems is heckcare simply bor chup. my god... blur is also an atititude problem, low profile and dun gives problem is also a atitiude problem, take 3 days MC becoz u are too sick to walk is also atititude problem. wah lau, like that they got atititude problem or me? my mannerism also a problem. work like agressive , KNOWS Everything and snatch everything to do , friendly but pretentious, complaint everytime , keep a big fuss over a small thing and tok more and then sick till i faint pathetically not an atititude problem lorz.
life......is too short to be miserable and narrow minded abt small matters.
But ... i felt that .... this job is still better than mine previous becoz i learnt a lot abt human chracter and wat is really life outside, everything is so dynamic and every work is different.
Although my previous job can allow me to be the person i want, the freedom I need , the person I love to work wif , the msn , stable lunch and teabreak, sit as long as i want. Should i say that... i will be too sheltered and no challenges. u know at least this job allows me to see people provoking me wif strange paranoia character and let me laugh at them. ppl who keeps tackle u till it challenge yr patient. U know.... human are very complicated and that's really challenge me. look at how 1% of exon in human genomic system can make a big difference.
at least i will be keep busy that i will not think wildly :) .
Well,,,life ..goes so interestingly and without knowing...time passes by fast.

Something to share ....i think this is funny

Mental Hospital answering machine :: D'oh!

::Message: Message:Answering machine at the Mental Hospital...

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline ...

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and
what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will betransferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and asmall voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter
which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with
the pound key until a representative comes on the
line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name,address, telephone number, date of birth, SocialSecurity number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a
message after the beep, or before the beep, or
afterthe beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All
operators are too busy to talk to you.

Anonymous scribbled this at 10:27 AM...

Thursday, April 21, 2005

I think i had start recovering from depression. Today went to bangkok and back.
I am so blur in wat i do 2day. I think i must face wall and think over. I am just just tired. wake up at 4am and really really tired. I swear that i had tried my best. lily msg today and told me i shouldn't give up , we had come a long way. I bolt a sadness overcome me. but a tint of happiness waves by too: coz i know that somebody really cares abt me and know wat I am feeling now.
pass by row 14 today, a bolt of sadness overcome me too.

This blog is so funny. I dun know wat I write too.

I am going to slp ...got to tahan till sunday b4 4 days off.....hmm 3days

Sometimes i felt that God is listening when I need Him .
Tuesday morning after airport seeing off, Noordianah.. my best friend for 8 years called on me suddenly.I wasConsolted ...she was sick too. it's all coincidence. Before that sunita's church friends acc me to Mac donald for breakfast. I am thinking ...y are they so cheerful while my feeling that time sucks to the pit of the bottomless pit.So condictriting. Sunita may have gone but I had made friends with a bunch of her friends. Later on, met up wif pauline and she gave me a book called " The purpose Driven life" by Rick Warren and a nice bookmark called " Dun quit" wif it. At nite, dianah hoon called me and she is called me just the rite time, she made me mood goes to the rite track. Aries really knows wat the aries wants and think abt! The aries , if wants something ...will fought blood and sweat for it, nothing can stop them. if they gives up for something, all the people in the world encourage them can't stop them. The aries...are loyal friend stuff and hardly pretend. sally called me too and I was consolted abt my recent failed interview (darm I am sick tat day).

Am I lucky?

Anonymous scribbled this at 5:04 AM...

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

the dark dark clouds cover over me recently . now hit byu a bolt of depression after my sickness and I felt terribly lonely. I had never felt this way before. I had nv felt the word lonely so much b4 and suddenly i felt that I am all alone in this world. I juz feels so bad that I could cry now. Have i grown up ?? Am i mad? shall i take medicine? I am nt feeling the same anymore. y is it happening? i am no longer like eating .....

Anonymous scribbled this at 4:50 AM...

Monday, April 18, 2005

Tuesday morning came too quickly. I knew that when the morning breaks , she had to leave. Church friends and her fellow nepalese friends staying in singapore went out to say their final goodbyes to her at T2. When I arrived, there was a certain uneasiness and uncertainty in the air, I know I am going to be the last coz I dun want to be the first. I am going to show that I am protesting her inevitable departure. It was as if they knew what I was going to say. She knows what I am going to say , my friend. Everything is in the sound of silence .

"just on time , Siew hui , she is about to leave. " The others gathered at the seat near row 14

Yes, everything is so drama. last min to departure, last min the friend came to give her best wishes and farewell. Everything, the timing , the surrounding is so right to serve a departure act.

I gave her a nice ancient-looking pocket watch and a card , behind scribble msg in blue ink, all inside a black plastic bag. Standing in front of my friend while she looked up into my eyes. With out hesitation, I hugged her and the words "you take care, my friend" came out of my mouth. Then there was a long pause as I waited for her response. She replied something like as usual "no worries" but my mind is in whirring . I am so worried abou her my safety since she was going to live in Nepal. She promised as soon as she is there she willl keep us contact by mail.

Human relationship is such head itching problematic stuff. From a strangers had grown so close to so many of them. Knowing her since 2002 and the rest from her, seeing them at their worst and their best, meeting their families, knowing their special needs, working through all manner of trials and tribulations together. Now all held together with a special bond, one unique and special bond, uncommon in the course of most human lives.

With all sincerity I thanked her for what she had given me. Many of them took the opportunity to express the feelings of the group about her contributions to them. It was a touching moment, one I will never forget as long as I live.

Su dearly loved by your family, so many friends, and those at christianity that have come to know you. They are very proud of you and very protective of you too. I am so grateful and proud of u.I send you blessings and pray for your returning home safe and send regards to your family.

Sunita wrote this on 6/4/05 and sent as SMS

Hi brothers and sisters.
Time changes everything, like currency rate , human spiritual and physical being ,politics, frens,family,needs, wants, dreams, mother nature, believes and philosophies. one thing among all this complications is that God's love for you never ever changes. Its the same today, tomorrow and forever. God loves you. Take care and thank you all of you for being part of my life. Each of you are pieces in my life of puzzle.

okay my friend, i will remember that.

Farewell sunita

A Friends Prayer
By Jeremy J. SayerWritten July 16, 1999

He brought us together
To walk down the road
For a little while
And we had fun
And became as close
As friends can get
And now I see
He’s calling you
To walk a path
That isn’t mine
And my heart is wrenched
Cause I thought we’d
Walk hand in hand
For a long time

So as you go
On down your road
And I turn
And travel down mine
Know that this prayer
Goes on with you

Lord I place her in your hands
Hold her close
Don’t ever let her go
She is a precious friend of mine
And Lord I hate to see her go
But Father you call each of us
To walk down the path that you show
And Lord I pray that if someday
Our paths should cross again
That she could say
He’s kept me all the way

And if our paths should cross again someday
She’ll say that you have kept her all the way.

People need people and friends need friends,
And we all need love for a full life depends
Not on vast riches or great acclaim
Not on success or on worldly fame,
But just in knowing that someone cares
And holds us close in their thoughts and prayers-
For only the knowledge that we're understood
Makes everyday living feel WONDERFULLY GOOD
And we rob ourselves of life's greatest need
When we "lock up our hearts" and fail to heed
The outstretched hand reaching to find
A kindred spirit whose heart and mind
Are lonely and longing to somehow share
Our joys and sorrows and to make us aware
That life's completeness and richness depends
On the things we share with our loved ones and friends.
Friends do things for one another.
They understand.
They go a million miles out of their way.
They hold your hand.
They bring smiles, when a smile is exactly what you needed.
They listen, and they hear what is said in the spaces between words.
They care.
And they let you know you're in their prayers...
Friends always know the perfect thing to do.
They can make your whole day just by saying something that no one else could have said.
Sometimes you feel like the two of you share a secret language that others can't tune into.
A friend can guide you, inspire you, comfort you, or light up your life with laughter.
A friend understands your moods and nurtures your needs.
A friend lovingly knows just what you're after.
When your feelings come from deep inside and they need to be spoken to someone, you don't have to hide from, you share them with a friend.
When good news comes, a friend is the first one you turn to.
When feelings overflow and tears need to fall, friends help you through it all.
Friends bring sunlight into your life.
They warm you life with their presence, whether they are far away or close by your side.
A friend is a gift that brings happiness, and a treasure that money can't buy.
Start reaching out people.
Friends have feelings and are human too.
Cherish and treasure you friends no matter how irritating or annoying they may be at time.
A group of close laughing, talking and sharing friends are a chest of treasures which will remain through eternity.
Friends Forever!

Anonymous scribbled this at 10:03 PM...

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

works my butt off man !Work so tough yet paid peanuts.......no less than a peanut..pAy so little that I could not afford to buy peanuts to eat man!
Y i always get peanuts pay job and job get tougher but the pay remain the same .

When ppl say I blur ...I am juz tired
when ppl say I quiet...I am juz tired
Unfortunately ,, I am always tired

Dun know how long can i survive somemore got a nice birthday gift for my birthday ----a cold bug

Anonymous scribbled this at 3:41 AM...

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

End of training !
My summary for these few weeks .
One word : When GAls dun tok , they will suffer the risk of brain herroage ? Why I say that ? Becoz I am suffering from that now. I have been accumulating all the conversation and now I want to burst out ! JAm my msn and my close friends ! One of the proud accomplishment that I had done was to be more diplomacy. Neutral in this complicated world and shall not open my golden mouth for things unproductive and destructive . For shall not do things undo others for things unto you. MAy I continue to have this power of the fool, away from the complicated crowd as she does not have the capacity to complacent all.
Only she .....who knows who is fools in act..., and she herself is a fool entertained by fools , because she is watching over others like watching television programme.

Actually,when there's something unexpected happen , in the truth behind it , it's not that. It's Conceited.
When something expected happened, it is more unexpected and more than what you think.
Concluded? Dun judge , thou shall let words out of mouth. Shall words is a weapon with double edges sword.

When facing complicated relationship where everyone have different personality , u can't please everyone . Everyone dun hear wat u say , dun really bother how u feel , dun understand becoz they live in their miserable selfish world including me. U juz listen to them like u listen to me .
See no evil ,
Hear no evil ,
speak no evil.

Indeed , the most miserable people in this world is people who dun be contented and people who only think abt themselves. Can I say that I am one of the miserable people here?

Suffering criticism... SHall I be myself or shall i false pretense to be someone I am not ?
"y u laugh like a fool in front of our manager, so ugly!" (ow , tat's hurt..)
"oh really? I nv know it .."
"that's laughter from the bottom of my heart..."
" You cano judge yourself by yourself u know, u shall let other people judge you . "

I am silent.... coz ....the first thought I have in my mind is ... "Only my God is allow to judge me, my dear. Whom the others have the rights and whom are they to judge me?"

Instead.... " hahaha.. what good phase !"you cano judge yourself by yourself , shall allow other people to judge you ! hahahah" ..........u miserable faking bitch .... poor thing u are ... u are living in other's view and shadow even in such a trivial stuff. You are nothing. You are not even yourself. I saw how u act these weeks.... I guess you very tired by now .....nvm...everybody is like that....who say interpersonal skills and teamwork is easy?

This is so true and supported by me "When a gal silent , she suffer a millions of thoughts." My addon : With Angel and devil raging on......

Forget it ... i shall failed badly in interpersonal skills. I am a indiviualistic. Becoz I am simply heakcare simple bor chup .

I just came back from a interview and I realised that I can't do translation from English to Chinese. An absolutely disasterous interview.

Goal 1 from 5/4/05 : Polish up my Ah moh and Chinese . And be able to translate both
Goal 2: Avoid Singlish.
Goal 3: tact and diplomacy
Goal 4 : Laugh elegantly

Anonymous scribbled this at 7:31 AM...

Friday, April 01, 2005

A bit of cranky today ..slept a few hours and gona jump out of the bed at 5.30am,yes , I am a fishmonger... wash face, put on darm makeup, comb my hair flat, select my clothes. and eat mmy oatmeal ....all at 1 hour and 35 mins...maximum

feeling really cranky today and hardi tok to my colleagues ... I am afraid sometimes that ... AM i showing atittude?

I am getting fatter... uh oh .....can people pls lock me in and stop me from overeating ?

Fear ....yes ...toking abt fear ... next week gona observation........

Toking abt been "be yourself " i wonder after 2day and be on my own without the galz... can i be myself ? Or is it the starting of the game?
.. haizzzz....my family memebers have been worry abt my health and breaks out but at the same time.......proud of me
my mom nag me again for staying up so late with PC ... which will affect my health

Be yourself ......
I gona slp

Anonymous scribbled this at 8:30 AM...